Family

Life can be so complicated.Family dynamics. FAMILY. Yikes!!! So there it is. I have my immediate family whom I love dearly. We work hard on loving each other. It requires loving unconditionally. Listening, being there fully and completely. We work on loving each other well. Ahhh. Then there is the family I grew up with.  It has been eight years since I saw my sister which that visit was contained in 3 hours. I have not seen my mom in 10 years. I know  that speaks volumes without actually saying a word.These relationships are extremely difficult. And here I sit on the bed in the extra bedroom of my sister’s house. I cannot help but wonder what the heck was I thinking when I decided to visit. The thought came to visit as these events occurred. A baby was born. She is beautiful. The mom and dad made a point to seek me out to share in their joy. I was overwhelmed with love for this baby. And I felt warm and fuzzy inside that this young couple would want to seek me out to share this precious time in their lives. The visit was brief, they sought out the connection. Which was made. The love I have for this child is unbelievable. I can only say God gives me this love. So here I sit in this tiny, dark bedroom thinking.  And why, what… I have loved on this tiny family who are just beginning this journey of family life together. So that is how I got here. This tiny babe. Yet, in doing so it involved seeing my mom for first time in 10 years. It was awkward to say the least. My mom didn’t really recognize me. We hugged and that was it. I became invisible after the hug as she and my sister talked. I sat quietly. When I tried to speak of me, my life I was ignored as if I had never spoken. So I again retreated in the quiet, invisible space I have always know with this family. No was interested. I am ready to go home. 

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