Tears On My Pillow

I am trying to hold all my feelings in check. The feelings of sadness that wants to overwhelm me. It wants to consume me. I keep busy, I push the sadness down. It seems the more I push it away the more it pushes back up. I do process the pain I have been through, trying to process the hurts and learning to let go. Trusting God to heal this broken heart. So I am putting the pieces back together slowly, carefully trying not to lose them all. And I seem better. Then as I sit next to someone last night at a family gathering, the person states a comment me that cuts into me. He hurls the comment at me, piercing my heart. I just sit stunned. Yes, he was drinking, yes he probably did not mean it that way. But you know what it was said and it pierced my heart. I left very shortly after that. I could not hold back the tears anymore. Tears slipping down which I couldn’t stop. It seems that comment caused a dam to break. I cannot seem to stop the tears. I tell my mind it is okay, to move on, to stop being this way. But the tears keeps slipping down, making a puddle. I ask God where are you in all this. I ask why does this one comment reduce me to feel as though I am nothing. Tears… the only thing I can do is let them fall. Jesus…

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